12 posts tagged “random”

So, as I have been whining about on Twitter the last few days (which is ironic, considering my problem), my laptop is slowly dying. It still -sort- of works right now, but not well enough that it's usable so it's pretty much remained powered off, a relic of a better era, an artifact from a time when I had mobile computing power. A bygone age... at least until I shell out the money to fix it in a few weeks.

Because I firmly believe that every tragedy is really just an opportunity to procure a fancy new gadget for myself (seriously, the next funeral I go to = Zune HD, because damn it, I'm going to be grieving!) so while I will be fixing the laptop somewhere down the road (having it fixed, rather) I decided now was a good time to invest in a proper desktop, since I've essentially used the laptop for everything during the past, uh, almost six years and it was really starting to show its age.

The original plan was to just replace the laptop, but since my computer tech guy (yeah, I have my own tech guy, because damn it Jim, I'm a writer, not an engineer) recommended I could get more machine for my money and still repair the original laptop which doesn't need to be as powerful since it won't be my main machine, I decided that was a good idea.

So, sometime next week, I'll be receiving a new PC. Which makes me very happy when I think about it. Until then, though, I'm miserable. Well, not really. I've got books I can read. And I need to write a paper. Which is going to be difficult without a computer. Sentence fragments are fun!

You know what's weird?

Sometimes, I go for weeks at a time without blogging or tweeting or communicating online in any meaningful way (not to say that my blog and my twitter are meaningful!) and then sometimes, there's nothing I want to do except blog and tweet, but when I feel that way, I worry that it will look strange that I'll have a three week gap and then a day where I posted five times in under an hour.

Just one of the many little things I do that make me pretty sure I'm secretly neurotic.

So, for some reason, I've been thinking a lot about a story idea that I just can't seem to get out of my head. It's basically about a fallen angel who happens to be possessing a private investigator. I'm not sure if they're partners, or if the angel's the one in charge.

Hmm. That actually sounds sort of cool. Maybe I'll let this one develop a bit?

This is one of those posts where I write because I feel like writing, not because I actually have something to say. I'm not quite sure why I bother to make these public; they're essentially a warm-up that I do, sort of like writing calisthenics, before I tackle my novel manuscript or a short story... just a way to get my fingers moving and my voice working and everything flowing especially since it's been a little while since I got any work done.

That still doesn't explain why I feel the need to share this utterly mundane and uninteresting rambling with you. I imagine if I thought about it long enough, I could ascribe some nonsensical reason to the behavior; off the top of my head, I'm going to go with pure narcissism, which is the fuel for about fifty percent of the Internet's content, anyway. Seriously, stop and think about it for a moment. Think about everything that you've placed on the Internet, all of the content that you've created. Not content that you've consumed, not things you've perused or enjoyed, but things that you've actually inserted into the greater series of tubes that is the Intertron. How much of it are pictures of you or the people around you? How much of your written material is dialogue about your life, shared with your friends? Perhaps I should ask this question a different; of everything that you've ever put up online, public or private, for whatever reason, how much of it is not about you?

This is not to imply that such a perspective is wrong. The reality is that this is a tool for facilitating communication between people. It's not a repository for artistic endeavor, any more than my phone is meant to be. But it never fails to amuse me (and I'm just as guilty of this as any individual) that so much of our social cyber-construction is built to carve little niches of ourselves, to put as much or as little of ourselves out there in the digital world. If you think about it, we're all vying for a little quasi-immortality (a phrase, incidentally, that amuses as much as "most unique"). Long after you've moved on, there are relics of your history floating around on the Internet, buried just below the surface, waiting to be unearthed with a little digging. These bits of data, these pieces left in the wake of your interest long after you've moved on will remain forever, as long as there exists a server to hold them. And it's always interesting to see how your little relics and artifacts can reappear, sometimes when you don't even expect it (and sometimes that's not a good thing).

For example, back when I was developing fledgling html skills, I made a series of websites on various free services, starting at a place called Express Pages before moving to Fortune City to Geocities and eventually, to Angelfire. At least one of those Angelfire pages is still up and active, because apparently, it's considered the primary resource for information on the drow god Vhaeraun on Wikipedia. Seriously, click the link and scroll down to the external links: "Citadel of the Mask Lord" was a website I put up years and years ago and then promptly forgot about. I'm not the one that found it and cited it for Wikipedia; I've actually never submitted anything to Wikipedia, ever, which rolls into the whole thing about all of my content online being about me.

Just something to think about.

Just got back from a backpacking trip, pictures are posted on my Facebook. I might migrate them over here later, if I feel up to it. At the moment, I just want to ice my knee, lie down and pass out watching a movie.

Sounds good. I'm going to go do that.

Played with the layout a little bit. Also took out that silly vanity hit counter thing that served no purpose other than to stroke my ego. Did I really need that? No, no I did not.

Also, speaking of ego and vanity, I added a widget to link this blog to my twitter feed! Go look at it. It's neat! And then go join twitter, and follow me, so we can have epic 140 character discussions about chaos theory!

It happened a few days ago, but the semester ended and summer is here. Totally sweet. I've got a list of goals and things I hope to accomplish this summer, essentially just good habits that I want to start cultivating now that I don't have anything on my plate except for work.

Hmm. Internet seems kind of boring today. No interesting news or links to share. Ah well. Time to go back into my hole.

This article had me thinking this morning. I recommend that you read it and spend some time, as I did, pondering the mysteries of the human brain, consciousness and the nature of thoughts.

Been thinking about moving my little blog to a different site so I can have a fresh start; this is a ritual I have repeated a few times in the past when I feel that the mental clutter of my current blog has built up to a critical mass. I'll let you know if I decide to move suddenly.

I would put these nice armchairs from the student lounges in all of the lecture halls. Or I would have lecture halls take place in lounges. Something. All I know is that this chair is extremely comfortable, and it makes the thought of abandoning it for a hard auditorium seat entirely less than appealing.

Just a thought.

Also, I love the random people who are following me on twitter. I'm sure it's some sort of automatic thing, where people add me based on who I'm already following, or something, but it still makes me happy, as if my minutia is important to somebody I haven't met. Maybe it is, who knows?

Still waiting to hear about the TusCon story. I really hope it goes through, because I need something to put on a cover letter when I try to sell my book. Which I totally intend to do, at some point. I also plan to finish the second one. No, for real.

I'm taking a break from watching my academic life implode, something I'd be happy to comment on if you're curious. See, basically, I'm not sure what's wrong with me but it's physically impossible for me to do work in advance. Take this damn essay I have to write about a story I hate written by an author I don't care for to submit to a class I was forced to take; it's due on Thursday. This is Tuesday night. I -should- be working on it. And I've tried. And I've failed.

I'll get it done. I know I will. It might not be particularly good and it might drive me crazy, but I know eventually, I'll cave in and "just fucking do it." But I have to ask myself; why can't I do it now? Why do I procrastinate this? Why did I go to the grocery store to buy a frozen pizza? Why did I linger in the kitchen cooking it? Why did I recline in front of the TV for an hour after nibbling on it (I really wasn't that hungry.) Why couldn't I be working on my essay during those moments?

I don't know.

But it sucks that I can't knuckle down until the gun is directly against my temple, because I always worry that one of these days, I'm going to pass out drunk at my keyboard before I finish, or I'll crack under the pressure I willingly submit myself to, and the whole house of cards will tumble. And yeah, that's just a metaphor. No actual guns are involved here. It's just a stupid class.

But it still sucks and I wish I could change it.

Have you noticed that I only blog when I have something better to do? I have.

Anyway, the point of this post. My goofy little hit counter continues to scroll up ever so slowly, and I know it's not recording my own personal hits when I stop by to check for a stray comment. So, here's my question; who exactly is reading this? I'm curious. I know I've told a few people about this blog, but I can't imagine I'm consistent enough to earn more than a passing glance, even if I fancy myself as "very funny" when I'm motivated to perform in such a fashion.

Personally, I suspect it's a Google or Yahoo webcrawler combing through the vast, untamed warrens of "teh intertrons" to cataloged all in its patch, no matter how inane. But if you're an actual person and you're reading this, I wouldn't mind a comment. It doesn't have to be fancy. You don't even have to say anything. I'm just curious.

You might say that's who I am.