8 posts tagged “promise”

I'm done trying to start new projects only to have them die before I get them off the ground. I'm tired of telling myself I'm not going to write, because there isn't enough time to get started, because the idea dies long before I develop it or any of the other bullshit that I keep telling myself over the past few years. I keep deluding myself into thinking that I just need to focus on the next story, that next cool idea that will spark my brain and then I'll be off. But all I have to show for it is a folder full of half-baked ideas, notes and notebooks and a very real lack of anything to show for my time and effort.

So, I'm just going to finish what I began. I'm going to go back to the beginning, to my very first story and finish the second novel. Yeah, that's right, I -did- write a novel. Maybe it's good. I have no idea. I was much younger, much more callow and full of myself when I started. But at least I fucking did something back then, you know? My 16 year old self didn't sit around and debate and think and try to come up with reasons why the writing wasn't happening. He was just as addicted to video games. He worked just as many hours. And he still wrote. God, if that younger person could see himself now, he'd be irritated.

No more screwing around. I'm going to write and I'm going to finish this work I began years ago, and then I'll move onto the next work. Because I'm sick of not having anything to say when people ask "oh, what are you writing? How's the writing going?"

And then maybe I'll work on that second promise, the one that I feel in my bones; that I cannot allow this work to accumulate. I can't let it sit and languish in the folder on my computer, unseen, undigested. I don't care if anybody thinks it's good. I'm not craving validation or approval. It just needs to be read. Consumed. Released into the world.

Time to get to work. Although it occurs to me that I'll have to change the title since a book called "Twilight's Shadow" probably will not do nearly as well now as it would have five years ago. Hmm. Or maybe it would. Who knows. I'll figure that out later.

Also, incidentally,  if you've never heard of Pandora I would recommend it. I particularly enjoy how it tries to match up music based on my tastes, which has led to a few nice gems that I can then seek out via my Zune Marketplace and add them to my collection. It always pleases me when my digital content achieves a sort of synergy with itself.

That's sort of an annoying name to type in.

But, as most people know, November is the season for lazy writers to try to become dedicated ones and finish a 50,000 word novel in exactly one month. I skipped it last year, and the year before, but.... you know, I think I'm really going to give a shot this month. I've got a pretty good idea for a story and, well, maybe this is what I need to really get myself in gear and get back to the creative writing thing that my college education has worked so hard to smother.

Not sure if I'll post story bits as I go along, or just keep updates on my progress. We'll see how it goes.

Wish me luck! Actually, screw luck... there really isn't any luck in writing. Wish me inspiration and/or an abundance of free time and focus. That'd be better.

In the future, I promise to whine less. I will probably break this promise in a week or two.

Also, you may have noticed that I've changed my profile name for this blog as well as the address. As far as I know, the old draxle.vox.com link should direct you here, but you may wish to update your bookmarks (hah, like I'm bookmarked) just in case. The reason behind this is pretty simple; I've sort of been split between two handles for a long, long time and lately I've been trying to migrate all of my online content, such as it is, to one handle.

So, there you go.

Okay, one more thing; check out this site if you're looking for a more effective and/or amusing alarm clock solution. I didn't actually order one (yet) but I did burn a CD of their free samples and I must admit, the experience of awakening to the voice of my own British butler was quite an experience.

I want a real one now.

Wow, has it really been that long since my last post? Didn't feel like it to me. Maybe you noticed it, though, especially if you visited multiple times in the hopes of seeing something new. Does anybody do that? Feel free to post a comment if you do, because it will boost my ego and a boosted ego is always more conducive towards posting things here. It makes me feel like I might actually be talking to somebody aside from myself for once.

But, I do have something for you today, aside from rambling. Actually, I have two somethings.

Authentically, I have the promise of two somethings, but that's something I really intend to deliver on this time; it's not like I'm making the promise of creating and delivering content... I actually have content ready to go. The only reason I haven't posted it already is because I left my flash drive at home and I'm at work.

But, very soon, you can expect one story, possibly two.

I have to get back to work now, so check back in tonight or tomorrow and I'll have the goods. I mean it, this time.

-Draxle

So, I've been doing better about promises to myself. I've tried to write at least a little bit each day, although that "little bit" is far less than I'd prefer... but hey, gotta start somewhere, right? I'm trying to come up with some short story ideas that I could write and post here (I know I still need to finish the Darkened Veil, as well, but it's been so long that the story sort of lost its relevance to me.) The problem I have with short stories is... I just can't seem to come up with "small" ideas. Every idea I get for a story turns into this big, massive epic, which may explain some of why it's been so hard to find the motivation to write: I don't have any small, enjoyable things to work on, it's just mountain after mountain to climb.

Anybody have any suggestions on how I can improve my short story writing? I'd really like to get into that habit, instead of just working on all these different novels, not only because short stories are less epic in scope, but I'd like to build a portfolio of stories that I can start submitting in an attempt to get published. I'm not even worried about publishing a book at this point; my goal for the immediate future is to write something that somebody will pay me for (and yes, I know that writing is not about money but all of my publications so far in my life have been in non-profit works, so... yeah.) You can call it greed if you want to, I won't mind.

Oh, I realized a few days ago that I've actually written a ton of poetry during one of my classes. I'm trying to decide if it's worth posting here; I'm not sure it ever gets read. Then again, this is my blog and it's not really about whether you decide to read it or not (though I'd certainly prefer if you did.)

-Draxle

I've figured out why I don't work on my novel as much as I used to: it seems like every time I sit down at my computer to write something creative, there's an essay or research paper that I have to write instead, and those academic prospects inevitably crush the desire to write out of me for the duration of the experience. And even after the damn paper is written, it's usually too late at night for me to contemplate devoting an hour to my novel, so I end up just crawling into bed and crashing.

I will also state that I have been trying to keep to my reading promise, and while I've failed to even open the book on my "reading for pleasure" list, I've opened numerous other fascinating books on subjects such as educational reform and other exciting topics.

-Draxle

If you want to write, you have to read. I think Stephen King wrote that in his memoir. It's probably not an exact quote, but since I'm sitting in a lecture at the moment, I can't exactly check. Regardless, it's true: the more I read, the more I write. Whenever I go through a dry spell where I don't produce anything, it usually means I also haven't read anything. But I still do read, and I'm always trying to get myself to read more, because when I don't read, I feel like I'm failing to exercise my mental muscles. Equate it to an athlete that doesn't put any time in at the gym.

There's an article from MSNBC that just depressed the hell out of me. Go ahead and give it a quick read, I'll wait here for you to get back... Okay, you're back? How did that news make you feel? If you didn't care, well, we're on totally different ships, sailing in different directions. The rest of this post probably won't matter to you, and you should probably just wait and come back when I have another rant/whine about something in my life that sucks, or I talk about video games, or something.

If you're still with me at this point, it's either because you feel compelled to finish reading for some reason (maybe because I continue to specifically address you or perhaps because you care about books the way I do.) Anyway, after reading this article, it started to make me feel bad about the fact that I've only read a handful of books this month. It still puts me way ahead of the American curve, but that isn't saying much, since even though 1 is 100% more than 0, it's still only 1. That math probably isn't correct, but as we've established, I'm a writer, not a mathematician. Bending concepts to tawdry shapes to suit my whims is my privilege and delight.

So, let's assume that we're both concerned that we're not reading enough. One thing I used to do in my notebook (the one I carry around and jot down stories when I don't have access to a computer) is write down, each month, all the books I'd read. It became sort of a reading Gamerscore where I could look over the books I'd read and take pride that I was reading more often, as well as more variety. I'd even read specific books just so that I could add them to my list (I have a tendency to read a lot of trashy fantasy if I don't restrain myself and force some sort of trash:substance ratio, usually 3:1.) I've decided to start doing that again, here on this blog, for a couple of reasons. As I've already explained, it'll help me read (and hopefully write) more often, as well as read a variety of books. The reason I'm going to post this reading list publicly is to hopefully spark discussions about the books I've read and encourage others to read as well.

It's late in the year to set a particularly lofty goal, so I'm just going to freeball it for a while and read as much as I can. Next year, though, I want to read around 200 books. For now, I'll just post my October list here, since I don't know if Vox has a utility that will be more permanent (I don't want my list to get buried in the archives.)

Alright, let's see, what did I read for October:

Going to Meet the Man
The Long Dream
Corregidora
The Conjure Man Dies

Which, is... wow. Those are all books that I had to read for my remaining lit class. Have I really only been reading class texts? Where's my reading for pleasure, reading just for the sake of reading? What the hell have I be doing this month? Well, I'll consider this my self-intervention and get started on filling out that list as much as I can. Incidentally, all of those books are quite excellent, masterpieces of African-American gothic literature. So, on the plus side, my substance ratio is waaaaay up right now, which is pretty cool. I'm going to end this long-winded rant now, and start looking for books to read. I've already got at least one in mind.

-Draxle

I have not forgotten my promise!

But I do have seventeen chapters to read out of a novel that needs to be done by tonight, so please forgive me if I do that instead of writing. As long as part two is posted before Friday is over, we'll be cool, yeah? I promise, I'm not screwing around playing video games.

Okay, I should go read. Expect part two of 'Beyond the Darkened Veil" sometime tomorrow!

-Draxle